Five Times Remus Lupin Knew He Loved Sirius Black
by SolemnFace
Summary: So, basically, it's five moments in time where Remus realises he loves Sirius. Kind of sad and slashy.


**Disclaimer: **Pretty obvious: I don't own them.  
**Also: **So, it's, like, midnight here, and I've just written this up in, like, fifteen minutes because I couldn't sleep because this idea kept going through my head. Please, bear with any spelling and/or grammatical and/or factual mistakes I may have made.

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**1 - May 1976**

'Moony?' Sirius peers around the curtain sheltering Remus from the rest of the hospital wing. Remus smiles at his friend and Sirius sits down beside his bed.  
'Oh, good, you're awake.'  
'What time is it?' Remus asks, his voice hoarse.  
'A little after midnight,' Sirius answers. Remus cocks and eyebrow and Sirius smiles nervously.  
'Sirius?'  
'Okay, a _lot_ after midnight, but that doesn't matter.'  
'You know you don't _have_ to sneak out just to visit me, right?'  
'I know I don't have to... But I want to,' he answers, running his finger across a bruise on Remus' arm. As Sirius' hand hits a sore spot, Remus jerks away his arm.  
'Oh, I'm sorry Remus, didn't mean to hurt you.'  
'It's okay,' Remus answers, his face still contorted in pain.  
'Do you want me to... kiss it better?'  
Remus cocks an eyebrow: 'Excuse me?'  
'Oh, come on, my cousin Andromeda says it's the best medicine.'  
'I beg to differ,' Remus says. And when he catches Sirius' pleading face, he adds: 'Oh, fine, try it!'

And when Sirius' lips touch the skin on Remus' arm, Remus realises he loves him.

**2 - August 1980**

As Remus looks at the newborn infant, he cannot help but smile. His smile grows even wider when he sees the way Sirius holds the child. He doesn't think he's ever seen him be so careful with something.  
'Remus, come over here, hold Harry for a while,' Sirius says, his eyes beaming as he looks at his godson. As Sirius puts Harry in Remus' arms, Remus sees a hint of sadness in the other's eyes.  
'What's wrong, Padfoot?'  
'Remus... Do you think I'll ever have kids?' And it almost breaks Remus' heart to see his best friend look so sad.  
'Sirius, are you kidding? Off course you'll have kids!'  
'Really?'  
'Really. And you're going to be a great dad.' Sirius smiles and Remus cannot help but think that Sirius looks exactly like the day when James mother referred to him as 'her son' for the first time.

And for the second time in his life, Remus realises that he might just love Sirius as more than a friend.

**3 - July 1994**

Remus reads the letter over and over again. He cannot believe how much Sirius' handwriting has changed over the years. When they were younger, his handwriting used to be sloppy, with big dots on his 'i' that he systematically turned into smileys.  
Nowadays, his handwriting is small, his 'i' has a little dot and there is not one smiley in the letter. Remus sighs as he puts down the letter.

And as Remus wonders how it is possible for him to do a full analysis of someone's handwriting, it hits him again that, even after all these years, he still loves Sirius.

**4 - August 1995**

Remus thinks that maybe, just maybe, Sirius might be happy again. Since the Weasley's and Hermione are staying at Grimmauld Place, his steps have gotten their earlier bounce back. And once, Remus thought he even saw his eyes light up a little.  
But it is only when Harry arrives that Remus knows for sure: Sirius is regaining his happiness.  
He knows because of his smile. He remembers the smile from their earlier days, when James and Lily were still around.

And as he smiles because Sirius smiles, he realises once again that he is in love with Sirius.

**5 - June 1996**

Remus lies in his bed at night and sleep will not come over him. His thoughts keep returning to the moment where Sirius fell through the veil, a smile still plastered on his face.  
Remus thinks that it's not fair. He cannot remember ever feeling this lonely. He wonders why Sirius had to be taken from him.  
But most of all, he wonders why he never told Sirius how he really felt.

And for the last time ever, it hits Remus that he was actually, _genuinely_ in love with Sirius.

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**Thanks for reading!  
**Please, review. Constructive criticism is appreciated, really.


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